I came, I saw, I walked away
by Ziggysmalls
Summary: Read about the thoughts, hopes, dreams, and past of Emperor Augustus Caesar as he spends a period of time in withdrawal from the public eye. More chapters to come! Please leave feedback BTW.
1. I need to think good sir

**What is this story? Go find out! I hope you can read of course, anyway, enjoy this piece of shat story I conjured up.**

 **Note: This is just an intro**

Gaius Julius Octavius, emperor of Rome, paced down the palace dais, grabbing a guava or fig every so often from the fruit bowl standing atop a pedestal beside the royal throne. The grand palace was a beautiful building, with many openings to let in the sunlight and beautiful marble blanketing the walls, floors and ceilings. Beautiful tapestries depicting the great feats of various roman soldiers and generals were draped along the walls of the throne room giving it a colorful feel. The Emperors toga whipped about in the cool roman Breeze.

Nobody took him seriously anymore. Although he was named Augustus (a great honor in the roman empire), that honor had long been forgotten with 2000 years of age. After he had heard "HA! Emperor that would cause the topple of our entire empire." from his generals for the last time, the emperor decided to retire to his palace indefinitely. He ordered to be left alone, expelling his advisors temporarily and putting his closest friend in charge of the government for a short while. Only two guards and a servant to tend to him would be present, although this was a formality demanded by the traditionalist senate, he was immortal after all. Augustus just needed some time to think.

The great Japanese army led by the revered Oda Nebugana were closing in on the city of Antium. Antium was a metropolis for its time with 3 million inhabitants, it was dwarfed only by the city of Rome. Given the right number of steel legionnaires (Legionnaires armed with the newly discovered steel), the city could hold of any amount of vast armies. In fact, the war was very much in Rome's favor, with the walls of Satsuma crumbling and Antium sure to stand strong against the army advancing towards it. Oda was a man who was married to war however, and as such he made many rather reckless decisions such as declaring war on countries twice his size. This was most apparent in the Russo Japanese war, Oda entered Russia with a large but poorly trained army and left with a broken neck. Augustus laughed as he though about the naiveness of Oda when it came to the Japanese emperor and repeating his mistakes. The Roman emperor however, was above war and as such, when war came to him, he could not quite mentally handle it. He was not withdrawing himself from the world because of the war, but from the stress it caused to run a country during it.


	2. Livia, Empress of Rome

**Here we have it, chapter 2. Sorry this is so short, I'm trying to flesh out the background of the Main character first. Anyway, enjoy and please leave feedback, it inspires me to keep writing for you guys.**

"PIG-HUMPING SON OF HADES! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Augustus screamed at a courier running into the palace, his cape wildly blowing about.

"It's a simple message m'lord, please, the royal consort requested me to deliver this to you" The sage trembled out almost pissing himself in the process.

"Spit it out then lad" The emperor quipped

"Dear husband,

I don't give a rats ass if your stressed out from some goddamn war. Your the emperor, this is your job, you have the least amount of work in the entire empire for gods sake. While you sit in your palace eating figs, some 10 year old is shoveling pig shit out of a trough! Now do your job and man up!

-Livia"

"Well then M'lord?" The sage asked.

"Tell her that... I will come when the time is ready, that time will be soon."

"Of course M'lord" The courtier scuttled down the palace steps. Augustus signaled one of the legionnares.

"Give that boy 10 denars. And tell him thank you" The emperor mumbled in the guards direction, the guard quickly scuttled off to catch the sage before he left.

Augustus missed Livia, he missed her very much, he loved her. He loved the Livia who slapped him in the face, the emperor of Rome getting slapped by a consort. The Livia who would find ways to control him and his life. The Livia who demanded that X be murdered or Y be expelled without even telling him why. The Livia who pretty much walked all over him. Yet Livia still loved him, and the emperor loved her. Nobody really understood their relationship. The court would watch the two arguing and they would wonder why Livia's head wasn't spiked on on the palisades of the city. Yet somehow, they ended up sitting side by side, each on there own throne smiling at each other and tousling each others hair, at the end of the day. Nobody questioned it, they just stared, a look of amazement bestowed upon their faces.

It was not an arranged marriage like they usually were in Rome. They had met at a small event. Octavian had already been wedded in an arranged marriage to the daughter of Maria Theresa, queen of Austria. He remembered that arrangement, the Queen flipped through the great book of daughters she had birthed (she was quite a fertile woman), finally at the last page she said "Ok Octavian, you will have Josephine.". The queen would say in her thick German accent. The whole encounter was rather hilarious for both of the rulers. The day started with the emperor and Livia chatting about Babylonian architecture and ended with a scene fit for the most perverted erotica this website would have to date.

Augustus instantly put Josephine aside (Much to Maria Theresa's dismay) and wed Livia. It was not your classic Cinderella story however. Livia was a noblewoman with some political connections, and they did not live happily ever after. Well, that is if you count the amount of screaming fights involved in the relationship as a measurement of love. If you asked Augustus if he made a good choice with his marriage he would take great offence and he might even put your head on a stick if he was having a bad day. Every day, the emperor would wake up excitedly thinking that he was the luckiest man alive. Nobody ever asks Livia about her marriage with Augustus, she is to busy plotting to overthrow Y or frame Z. They have been married for 6500 years, they stopped questioning things 5000 years ago.


	3. Montezuma declares war on beanie babies!

**Hoorah! We are on chapter 3! Sorry for the delay of this chapter but I have a busy schedule. PLEASE  leave feedback even if it is extremely critical as feedback means the world to me. Anyway, enjoy!**

The only true friend Augustus ever had Was Montezuma the second of the Aztec empire. The emperor was a a sophisticated, intellectual man while Montezuma spent his days slitting the throats of plushies and effigies. One man spent his days actually running the government to his best ability while the other simply shouted things like "Curses! I will sacrifice ten thousand citizens to expiate this humiliation!" in front of cheering crowds (the cheering onlookers did not realize they would be those ten thousand citizens). One man had the brilliant idea to sit on a throne while the other decided to walk around wearing a head dress twice his size and carrying an extremely dangerous knife capable of causing serious damage with only a slight trip.

Augustus, funnily enough, was not the kind of man who cared if you were bat shit crazy. If you were a good friend, he didn't care who you are, Montezuma would bring him back up in times of need, with gold or some 'supporting' words (Montezuma's reckless shouting and broken bits of Nahuatl strung in to the mix). Nobody but Montezuma would do that. Augustus would not treat him like a child unlike the other leaders (Montezuma was ordered to sit at the Children's table and eat animal crackers at Maria Theresa's 5 O'clock Luncheon along with Augustus due to the contemptness Maria felt towards Octavian), he would have long Conversations with the Aztec King, and even if all he got in response where various shouts and Nahuatl phrases, he knew that Monty the Great was listening.

The emperor found it fitting to put a friend in control of the throne, a true friend. When Montezuma first received the request from Augustus, he demanded that his cheering croud, and sufficient amounts of plushies for sacrifice, be brought to Rome. It was truly a great ordeal accommodating 10000 barbaric Aztec citizens. Yet Augustus agreed to Montezuma's demands without argument. The great _Gladius Hispaniensis_ manufactories of Neopolis also switched their production from swords to yes, Beanie Babies. Augustus did not make any demands surprisingly (He was dealing with a Barbarian warlike King who was known to make arbitrary and outlandish decisions). "Why?" you might ask? Well, Augustus trusted a friend to do the best things and surprisingly, he was correct. Montezuma was a good friend, and he knew what his friend wanted, so he did not let him down. The Aztec ruled justly and similiar to the regime under Augusts. There were no sacrifices no coup d'etats, no half naked shoutings. How peculiar eh?


	4. CHEMISTRY

**Back after the holidays yay! Sorry this chapter didn't have double spacing, there is an error which will be fixed by next chapter. Please leave feedback but most importantly, ENJOY!**

Oda Nobugana peered down the long marble trophy room, Augustus standing at his side. Two mortal enemies stood next to each other peacefully, not shedding a single drop of blood. "Thank you for coming to my 'humble' abode Emperor kichihōshi 'Oda Nobugana', I believe we have met before, the battle of Capua was it?" the roman said with a noticeably large grin smacked on his face. The walls were lined with all different kinds of swords all with beautiful markings etched on to their hilts. There were many Japanese swords sharing the same markings as well as the engraving "ICDFA", Oda assumed that it stood for 'Imperator Caesar Divi Filius Augustus" The roman emperors official name (the unnecessarily long name was undoubtedly another one of the formal senate's bizarre demands which all the leaders including Oda had noticed and poked fun at). Oda looked wide eyed at all the swords like a kid in a candy store, a Tanchi and Wakizashi pair especially stood out. They both had fire breathing dragons chiseled into their long golden hilts along with the Roman Emperors initials like the other swords. The generously polished blades looked almost white in the Mediterranean sun, Oda could tell that the blades were razor sharp. They were the most beautiful blades he had ever seen, the most beautiful blades he had ever seen and also bitterly envied that is.

"So you have invited me over to show me your sword collection. It seems rather trivial does it not? Considering the first Roman-Japanese war is only now just over, both mighty empires are now in shambles, and there is a revolution brewing in mine." Suddenly two steel objects flew towards Oda's head, cutting off a single hair sticking out of his balding scalp. Augustus dropped both a Tachi and Wakizashi creating a dinging echo throughout the hall. The Roman's grin grew even larger.

"How about a quick duel eh?" The Roman said in a smug manner. Oda stood there, totally blown away. Augustus did not have a sword on him, how did he... The beautiful Tachi- Wakizashi pair lay there on the floor where Augustus had dropped them. The grin suddenly spread to Oda's face as well.

" Very well, if I win the duel, I get those swords, and if I lose.." Oda paused for a second " I will give you the city of Ise."

"My kingdom for a sword" the Roman mocked. Grinfest 1060 had begun. "Oda as I am sure you are well aware of, I just crushed you in a war, can take whatever I want from you, or are you still letting your ego control your memory?"

"True you beat me in war, but I know that you are an honorable man, and honorable men don't turn down high stakes duels" the samurai said.

"High stakes duels are for people who aren't immortal." The Roman said. With that, Augustus threw Oda a frankish broadsword and made a slash at the samurai's breast. The samurai deflected the attack and in turn charged towards the roman, Augustus quickly moved to the side and Oda flew right past him. He made a slash at the samurai's unguarded back but alas, Oda was an experienced fighter with amazing reflexes, he quickly turned around and made a great big blind swing at the roman's chest which was easily dodged. Suddenly, a high pitch marimba beat echoed throughout the hall, both men stopped. A booming voice then came literally out of nowhere.

"Wherever we look, the work of the chemist has raised the level of our civilization and has increased the productive capacity of the nation." the voice boomed.

Next on the Roman science agenda after figuring out how to make a cannon (check) was to figure out why a booming voice quoted various wise men whenever a discovery was made. A true mystery of nature and science that had been researched for centuries. The two men stood there for not 15 seconds until they both broke out laughing on the floor, there would be no duel today. "Take it Oda, you can take them both." Augustus managed to get out in his laughing fit. Augustus never really liked awkward and anti-climactic endings, Augustus also believed that there could be exceptions to everything.


End file.
